What to Ask About in a Life Story Interview

If you have family members or loved ones who are older adults, it’s time to capture their life stories and personal history in a life story interview! The study of lives is fascinating! Many people would love to have this information but simply don’t know what to ask. We’ll walk through the interview process to learn about their past experiences in a meaningful way. 

What a Good Interview Should Cover

If you want to conduct a comprehensive life story interview, you need a good list of questions. You’ll want to make sure you’re covering the following areas:

Basic Info Such as Their Name, Details of Their Birth, and Current address

These are some easy first questions to get out of the way at the beginning. They also provide valuable information if you are tracing their family history. I even dig into what they know about the day they were born, and how their name was chosen.

What They Know About Their Heritage

It is amazing how much information is passed down in families by oral history. It is interesting to learn about the cultures of different nationalities. These customs often still show up in our lives in our customs, family traditions, food, and beliefs. Here you can understand more about why your family is the way they are. Don’t forget, that your older loved one is a bridge to generations past that you never had the opportunity to know. When your loved one is gone someday, your access to much of this information is gone with it. Soak up all you can! 

Favorite Stories from Their Early Days

When I do life story interviews, I spend a lot of time talking about their childhood. Covering their earliest memory, their childhood home, siblings and playmates, different walks of life their family came from, and their perspective of their parents as a child. I also include questions about their teenage years and their education, from elementary school through college. I love learning about how their family functioned in their formative years, and it often explains a lot about their current personality and outlook on life. 

Important People

I like to get as much information as I can about their children, and their parents and grandparents. Not only is it helpful in family history research, but it really helps you understand your loved one as a person. It’s also important to cover other big relationships in their lives, from lifelong friends, business partners or coworkers, and obviously their spouse. Building a family, marriage, and raising children of their own takes up a big chunk of life, but it’s something we don’t often ask our loved ones about. If you are the child of the person you’re interviewing, it’s really fun to hear about a favorite memory they have of you! 

Key Events in Their Lives

Some of your loved one’s favorite memories will include meeting their spouse, getting married, or finding their long-term career. I not only try to cover any high point in their personal life, but I also ask them about key historical events that would have happened during their lifetime. I also include questions about some of their favorite trips and vacations.

Any Big Turning Point They’ve Experienced

These can often be quite central in our loved one’s life stories. This could include a spiritual awakening, a good time, a near-death experience, or a big shift in mindset or circumstances. Some of these turning points could be their favorite memory or the worst thing that ever happened to them. My grandpa had a near-death experience during a tractor accident, which he mentioned several times during his interview. I began to understand how that experience became the lens through which he saw the rest of his life, and it changed how he operated in life going forward. 

Life Lessons They Would Like to Pass On

Once you’ve gotten through their personal history, life story conversations should conclude with a period of reflecting back on the key events of their life, and examining their biggest accomplishments, as well as failures. I also like to give them an opportunity to share advice and talk about what they see as most important in life. This is the best way to end things on a high note. I also recommend having a box of tissues handy! If there haven’t been any “waterworks” yet, there will usually be there! 

The Best List of Questions for Interviewing Your Family Member

Over the years, I’ve compiled a list of questions that will cover the entire personal history of your family member. It draws out their favorite stories, favorite memories, and life lessons they’ve learned. Now I’m happy to give you the tools to capture your own loved ones’ stories. Many people want this information from the people they hold dear, they just simply don’t know what to ask. I’ve done all the hard work for you and created a 40+ page how-to guide that is the perfect sample life story interview. You can snag my FREE ebook, “The Ultimate Life Story Interview” here. It has over 500 questions spanning a lifetime of memories and is designed to hold your hand through the entire interview process. All you need to do is follow along! 

Best Practices for Interviewing Your Family Member

Follow these specific suggestions to ensure that the interview process has a positive impact on both you and your family member:

Get Your Loved One’s Permission

Obviously, the first thing you need is your loved one’s permission to do an interview. Also, be sure to have their blessing before sharing any parts of the interview with others. Some people are more private with their information than others. It’s best to always keep their best interest and feelings in mind. 

Just “Let Them Go” When They’re Answering an Interview Question

It is totally okay if you ask them about their teenage friends, and they launch into the story of meeting their spouse and their wedding. Let them share memories as they come to mind. If you try to control the conversation too much, you can miss out on some cool information. You can always re-arrange bits of their answers to go with the appropriate section later on if you’re making a transcript or editing a video. In the case of the above example, I would just let them finish what they’re saying, and then say I’ll be asking them more about that later. My only caveat to this is if your loved one’s memory is fading a bit (or a lot), and they keep launching into the same story over and over. In that case, I would say, “Yeah, you told me about that”, and try to redirect back to the topic at hand.  

It is NORMAL to Get Some Blank Stares or, “I Don’t Know”s

Some questions just aren’t going to draw a memory out of your loved one. That is why it is a good idea to have a long list of questions. Even if you only get a decent answer for one out of twenty questions, you’re still going to end up with some amazing stuff! So if you don’t get much, or anything as a response, just move on! Every person I have interviewed has created such a different experience. Often the questions I think I’m going to get profound answers for fall flat. Then I hit gold mines in the most unexpected places! 

Don’t Push if They Seem Uncomfortable

I am not usually afraid to ask difficult questions. But, that must be balanced with respect for them and their privacy, as well as a duty to maintain their trust. It’s pretty special when someone is willing to examine their whole life and let us record it in some way. We need to remember that it’s their own life story, and they can leave some parts out if they want. So if they seem hesitant to answer something, don’t push, and definitely back off immediately if they flat out say they don’t want to answer something. 

Keep Them Going When They’re Sharing Favorite Memories

During the interview process, you’ll probably start realizing when your loved one is on to something good. If they stop talking, but you’re guessing there’s more to the story, don’t hesitate to ask a follow-up question. You’ll be amazed at the gold mines you’ll hit in the most unexpected places.  

Record Your Loved One’s Life Story

I promise I’ve already done the hard part for you by putting together the Ultimate Life Story Interview. Snag your FREE copy here and start soaking up your family stories!

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